As much as I have emphasized in my last post about how much I like undertaking something because I feel like it, I think I'm starting to overwork myself.

My system is shutting down irregularly, my brain isn't working. I'm burning out.

BOO. not really.
it's just that I can't concentrate anymore, not the normal gloria is high and can't do work way.. it's the I'm listless and I don't know what to do because my brain feels like mush way. I can't even brainstorm anymore! and sugar doesn't help anymore.

Uhoh. I've spent the last 4 hours trying to think and think of ideas for english PT. and i haven't come up with anything meeting my usual standard.

My brain is working on such a simplistic level now that the only thing I can do is talk to myself and type the "conversation" out. I'm reduced to copying debate notes at an ultra slow pace. and my to-do list is lengthening by the minute:

1. Class Competition brainstorming
2. English PT brainstorming
3. Debate Prepping
4. English PE
5. Lit FA
6. Math worksheet.
7. Studying for English Oral
8. Studying History
9. Math Assignment
10. Lit Quote Practice (as well as some ventilation exercises courtesy of nana)
11. Qing Jing Zuo Wen studying
12. Reading the chinese book daddy got me
13. Chinese File
14. Yue Du Bao Gao - finish dian che nan.
15. EOY Research (shouldn't this be higher on the list?)
16. MOV research.
17. Conceptualize Chapter 3!
18. Finish up Sleeping Beauty / Cinderella for RS.
19. Sit down and think about my birthday
20. Fantasize about cute fictional characters.

I'm so tired.
Physically, emotionally.
I want to pon school.
But I can't.
Is this what they mean by responsibility?
Then I never want to be an adult.
I probably will never last so long anyways.

Oh. I think I'm suffering from several weird diseases.

One is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or something. Every morning I wake up, and I feel like dying. My ankles, back, wrists, neck. My WHOLE BLOODY body feels like its broken, torn apart, disconnected. I can't move, every movement feels dislocated, unattached, unrelated, not me at all.

Second is chronic ankle pain. I think repeated sprained ankles has finally caused my ankles to give in. When I walk, it hurts.. sometimes. Buah. If I sit cross-legged on the floor for too long, they start to throb, ache, and it feels like cold fire searing up my legs. It's not numbing, it's fatigue. It wears off, but the pain remains in my heart. BOOYAH. It really hurts okay.

Third is.. ----------.

Fourth is.. --------- ------.

Fifth is.. ----------- --------.

Sixth is.. IM TIRED. I WANT TO SLEEP :D


BOOYAH. I'm off to eat ice cream. It might provide simulation.. FOR THE BRAIN.

p.s. how nice it would be to be haruhi suzumiya. Then I could wish for my favourite fictional character to exist :D and i could also wish for a real blogstalker! crystal doesn't count.

p.s.s. I CUT MY FRINGE. it doesn't look really diff though. just that i'm missing two super long strands that used to frame my face.

p.s.s.s THE CHAPTER TWO I HAVE ON EMOTIONALLY BOUND IS EDITED OKAY.

p.s.s.s.s emotionally bound has been put up as a link!

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booyah'-[xiiao] deathie

Labels: breakaway, emo, emotionally-bound, random