i know im supposed to be on hiatus but i really need to get this off my chest.
and yes i know some of you out there would obviously be rolling your eyes and thinking

"WTH is wrong with her, you wanna emo then like emo lah, dont blog about it"

(1)well my dear, i emo for a reason. if you're so bothered about it, consult your guilty conscience.

Mark Rothko. Dead long before I was born. But somehow, he was an inspiration. At 54, he was a tortured soul, and he conveyed it in his paintings. Yet, he was no blind soul. He knew the extent of his dark anguish, and he finally released his hold on a contemporary project to paint a painting for a less than suitable restaurant. This restaurant was everything he was not, pure and shining, he knew not to taint it.

So what's the point of me telling you this?

Figure it out yourself.

Mark Rothko always knew he would never fit in, so he let go. (2)

Why is it that you don't know the real me, yet you say everything I want to say.
Why does it feel like I've known you since a long long time ago, when the Earth was square, and everyone wrote on bones?
I want to believe that you're the other half of me, but it's difficult when you don't even know me, and I can't find the words to tell you who I am.(3)

and to all those freaking idiots who think they're so smart
here's a piece of my life. something else that was super emo-worthy today.

"When you think your own mother hates you, it's not that hard to imagine that the rest of the world feels that way too; Paranoia." (4)

Sorry Deenie, for rebelling against my own emo rules.

I just felt like it.

After all,

I would like to reassure you all that all this is directed to different people, so if your guilty conscience twingles at one part, it's only that part -- i think.

URGH. why are there so many things to emo about today.

i dont want to keep posting more and more posts, so i just keep editing HAHA.
so if you check back and the post is different, you cant blame me man.

(5)I'm sick and tired of people asking me if I "keep in touch" with you. Seems like cutting off from you is so freaking hard. And everyone loves you more than they will ever for me.

I'm glad. Because this confirms it, I don't fit in

I think this is like the 7th time I've edited this post -- it's 8 : 30 now and i'm going to number each emo item in this post. -- currently 5 emo events, 6th coming up.

My nose aches, and my movement has become numb.
My heart feels like it's stopped pumping,


When I'm feeling down, I can't help but feel like confessing in you, or maybe you. But, both of you have locked me out of your heart. The only other person I can contact.. the line is frayed.

Stop ignoring me, or this mind will go mad.(7)

---

1. Crystal Photobook
2. Ms Ong feeling happy
3. Bitching with gu niang :D -- this is the peak of my day; usually
4. Reconnecting with Deenie :D
5. Joelle! -- happy (early) birthday brother IT! :D
6. Delia's extra punctual notes - you go girl!
7. Erm.. nothing else.

---

11:00 pm edit.

I'm feeling terrible. I'm just dripping sweat everywhere and it feels sticky, hot and lethargic. My nose just keeps dripping. IT'S SO FREAKING GROSS. and i used so much tissue the whole top of my bin is covered with just.. crumpled tissue. urgh.

suddenly I'm in a super forgiving mood. Emo 7 has been forgiven. and vanessa hudgen's album has been spared. urgh.

I WANT TO ON THE FAN. ITS ONLY BLOODY 29 DEGREES IN THE HOUSE BUT IM SWEATING. this shows how much i usually depend on the fan + air con :O

I realised. I HATE EXAMS. they just test your ability of the moment, so if you happen to be on one of your horrible days and you take the exam, too bad for you.

Yay. i chatted with sayu just now and i realised, maybe mine is the only isolated case.
Be happy mei :D be happy while it lasts. The tinglys only stay so long.
shadie is lucky :D

I have no idea how people live with dao-ing people. it's such a horrible feeling to be dao-ed and to dao people. You end up hurting yourself more than the other party when you dao them -- i think. unless you're those horrible people who get angry alot. urgh.

gu niang! train me in dao-ing. i really need to start learning how to dao.

URGH MY NOSE IS IRRITATING ME. omg. wtf shit is wrong with me. someone slap me.
why am i crying. IM NOT HAVING MY ____________________. ITS ONLY A BLOCKED NOSE.

wtf. self slapping going on. brb.

wow that was short. it just.. STOPPED. :O

---

It's amazing that the heart can break over and over again. Yet the scars and cracks will always remain.

"They mustn't know my despair, I can't let them see the wounds which they have caused. I couldn't bear their sympathy and kind hearted jokes, it would only make me want to scream all the more."

-- Anne Frank.

-- xiiao* deathie ♫

Labels: cheemology, dedication, emo, short note, stressed